You almost can feel it in the dawn air when you are about to have a bad morning. As usual, I left home for my morning classes about an hour before start time. That is plenty of time for me to have an uneventful commute. A relaxed walk to the train station. And the freedom of missing one train or two and still making it on time. Also included in this timeline is the 15-block walk from the train to my first class, time to enjoy the spring flowers, birds and trees along the way. It is all part of a plan meticulously designed to perfection. Today, I even had a new book to start reading on the train: "The Relaxation Response" by Herbert Benson. (Wait, the irony will be revealed...) But karma had a special surprise in store for me this morning. A train ride that usually takes 9 minutes and 45 seconds turned out to be a 50-minute stress-inducing nightmare. I was stuck in one train station for over 30 minutes. When the train moved at all, it moved at the speed of shavasana. Of course I didn't read. The only relaxation response I had was a big mental "F" word, in italics, bold, highlighted, font size 64, perfectly centered in my mind. Once you realize that there is no possible way that you will make it, and it's out of your hands, acceptance comes.
But it took so long. It always amazes me how the stress response can feel so natural and appropriate, so well-suited to the curve balls life throws at us. I had to remind myself me that I am not in control. Mistakes happen. Malfunctions. Delays. Miscommunications. Timelines fail. Trains get screwed up. And even students who want to practice yoga occasionally have a teacher who doesn't show up and has to do his own practice in a stalled subway car. A few good things happened amidst all this... I realized that I work in a very supportive work environment. And I don't always remember that. My team was there for me. I realized that my husband always supports me and always let me knows that I am loved — at my best and at my worst. At the end of my nightmare subway ride, when it was too late to even sprint the 15 blocks uptown to the studio, I received a text from one of my friends who was there in class. He played my recorded audio-class for my students, and everyone stayed and did their practice with the sound of my voice while I was stressing out about not being there. I felt so moved by that. So humbled. For my second class, as soon as I walked in, someone approached me and said, "Some students were fighting for space and mats. They are a little stressed out. You should clear the air a bit..." I thought: "If they only knew..." I took a breath.... And taught. With love.
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